You Just Can’t Please Everyone.

I cant swear under oath that the following quotes are legitimate—they’re supposed to be some of the more outrageous complaints received by the venerable tour company, Thomas Cook Holiday. But having run the Complaint Department for the City of Honolulu and after living in a popular tourist destination for so many years, I would wager a few rubles that they’re authentic.

“The roads were uneven and bumpy, so we could not read the local guide book during the bus ride to the resort. Because of this, we were unaware of many things that would have made our holiday more fun.”

“It’s lazy of the local shopkeepers in Puerto Vallarta to close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during ‘siesta’ time — this should be banned.”

“Although the brochure said that there was a fully equipped kitchen, there was no egg-slicer in the drawers.”

“The beach was too sandy. We had to clean everything when we returned to our room.”

“No-one told us there would be fish in the water. The children were scared.”

“It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England. It took the Americans only three hours to get home. This seems unfair.”

And my personal favorite . . .

“They should not allow topless sunbathing on the beach. It was very distracting for my husband who just wanted to relax.”

See what I mean? Absolutely believable, aren’t they!