What better way to welcome the Fourth of July than by combining all the explosive powder from a dozen or more firecrackers, waiting patiently until midnight on Monday, and then setting off this monster device, waking people for miles around and sending dogs into a frenzy of barking.

Then—and you have acknowledge the diabolical timing—setting off a second blast 45 minutes or so later, triggering the same response from every dog within a four- mile radius.

This has become a semi-annual event for the past 8 or 10 years in this part of Maui . . . that is, the first explosion at midnight on July 4th and again on New Year’s Eve to welcome the holidays, followed by the second blast after everyone has gone back to bed. 

I’d love to find this guy. I don’t know what I’d do exactly, but—given the chance to tell my story—no court in the land would convict me.