The Perils of Self-Medication … or How I Got My Shiner.

I am bothered periodically by something known as Restless Leg Syndrome. It occurs mostly at night when I’m in bed – an uncontrollable urge that can only be relieved by moving my leg. In my case, that compulsion comes every 30-40 seconds, so I’m constantly moving around in bed and, of course, sleep is impossible until it stops. Until recently, it has been just an occasional, minor annoyance.

But about six week ago, I had knee replacement surgery and my RLS has shifted into high gear. I’m told it’s a temporary consequence of the surgery, but it’s now occurring almost every night and often lasts for several hours.

When it happens, I slip out of bed, go into my little den and start doing laps around the room since walking supposedly makes it stop. It doesn’t, so I turn on my computer to check news and sports web sites, play games or do crossword puzzles. After 2-3 hours, when it finally goes away, I shuffle off back to bed.

For one or two nights, it’s not a big deal. But after four of five weeks of that routine, it becomes a real problem. A few nights ago at about 3:00 o’clock, groggy from lack of sleep and desperate, I took one of the little Ambien pills given to me at the hospital immediately after the surgery … and went back to the solitaire game on my computer.

Ten minutes later, with no warning, the Ambien kicked in and I went face down into the keyboard … BAM!

The next morning there was a red bruise and obvious swelling on my forehead; after two days it had morphed into a magnificent purple eye. And yesterday I had to assure a concerned physical therapist that, no, there is no domestic violence occurring in my home. My wife was not amused.

So watch out for those pills way at the back on the top shelf. Especially the real little ones.