A Nightmare On the Orient Express

In a post the other day, I mentioned that South Africa’s Blue Train is on my list of must-do train rides. Inexplicably, I failed to mention the Simplon Orient Express, also near the top of that list, and which features wonderfully restored sleeping cars from the 1920s and 1930s. What a way to travel across Europe!

I had a friend in Honolulu — a very distinguished Hawaiian guy who is, regrettably, now deceased — who swore that one day he too would ride that train. He finally took the financial plunge, booked it, and arrived in London several days before his departure date.

It was then that he had a moment of inspiration: Hang the expense! He would go to Harrods and get himself a full-on formal outfit — a tuxedo and all the trimmings — to wear to the dining car for dinner the first night out. He supposed everyone would stare and think he was putting on airs, but this was a once-in-a-lifetime experience … so what the hell.

And he did. Bought the tux, the formal shirt, the cummerbund, the works — right down to the cuff links and the patent leather shoes. He boarded the train and at the appointed hour donned his new finery and, feeling very grand indeed, entered the dining car where …

… everyone was wearing formal attire — except, of course, for a few who were elaborately costumed appropriate to the 1920s.

“Just imagine,” he said with a shudder, “if I had gone to dinner as I’d originally planned, wearing my one and only sports coat over an aloha shirt!”

He swore that for years afterwards, he would often dream about that evening and wake up in a cold sweat.